Driving Ace Vince Noir
by Bees-h-mcc
Summary: Howard teaches Vince to drive, which proves much more difficult and emotional than one would originally think.
1. Chapter 1

"Why do I need to though, really? I've gotten this far in life without knowing how, why's that got to change any?"

"It's a valuable life skill, Vince. You might be stuck out late one night with a friend who's too drunk to drive back, then what would you do?"

"Why would I not be drunk as well?"

"You weren't drinking."  
>"I don't think so, why would I be out late and not drinking?"<p>

"You had a cold, I don't know, just – your friend is drunk what do you do?"

"Catch the tube."  
>"You missed it"<p>

"Call a cab."

"You're out of money."

"Come on Howard, I don't wanna learn to drive! I'm gonna get all famous and then have a chauffeur, you'll see." Vince crossed his arms and sat down on the couch with a huff. He began to rub his shoe over a spot in the old carpet. Nothing happened.

Howard, meanwhile, had gone into the kitchen to make tea. '_Maybe I'm pushing Vince too far? He _was_ visibly uncomfortable.' _Howard supposed he couldn't force him to do something he didn't want to. Pouring the boiling water, some splashed up and scalded Howard's thumb. He didn't seem to mind. Howard brought two mugs out to where Vince was still on the couch, rubbing at the increasingly threadbare spot in the carpet.

"Oh, my Bowie mug. Cheers, Howard." Vince grasped the mug – which featured an illustration of Bowie as Ziggy Stardust – with two hands, holding it close to his face and taking little sips every four seconds. Howard shifted on the couch next to him, just blowing on his tea. After a minute Vince finally looked up at Howard through his fringe. "You don't even have a car, Howard."

"I've asked Leroy if I could borrow his to teach you." Vince scrunched his nose up in response and returned his gaze to the Bowie mug. "You've got nothing to worry about Vince, really. I'll be in the car the whole time, we'll start off slow, in a car park. Lots of people really like driving cars!"

"Lots of people really die in them too."

_'Oh.'_ Howard breathed in deeply, and set his tea down. "Vince – look at me, Vince," Another through-the-fringe stare. "As long as you're careful and watch out for people, you'll be fine. Keep your eyes open, look both ways, that sort of thing. Some people do drive recklessly, but as long as you keep a watch out for them you can avoid getting in accidents."

"...yeah. It's... I..." Vince's voice wavered and he sighed heavily. Suddenly a loud sniffle came from him and Howard realized with a sinking stomach that he was beginning to cry.

"Heeey, little man, it's okay!" Howard shifted over to hug Vince close to him. "Shh, hey, come on, it's alright." Vince was trying desperately to wipe all his tears away, but they were rolling down his face faster than he could catch them. "I'm sorry, Vince, I wasn't trying to pressure you into anything, okay? Are you okay?"

"It- it's not- it's not y-" Vince tried to catch his breath, but was interrupted by small sobs.

"Deep breaths, Vince, can you do that?" Vince nodded and pulled away from Howard so he could sit up. After regaining his normal breathing, Vince looked straight at Howard.

"I'm not upset at you, Howard. I... I'm... I just don't think I can do it."

"Vince, of course you can-"

"No! No, I can't! I can't do it! I can't have that kind of pressure put on me to just go about driving this big metal thing around with people trusting me I won't slip up. People expecting me not to make any mistakes whatsoever. Cos if I do, Howard, if I do I'll end up hitting someone and I could kill myself. Or worse, y'know... I could end up killing somebody else." Vince stood up to take his now empty mug to the kitchen but didn't move. He just stood in front of Howard, shaking a little, trying not to burst into tears again. Howard was at a total loss for words, and simply sat there looking at him, wanting to say something. Vince beat him to it and spoke again. "I know what people say about me, when they think I'm not listening. That I'm slow, I'm thick, I'm a simpleton, a child, shallow. And, really, I don't even think they're wrong. That's all people say about me. Well, that, and that I look like a girl. It's all true. Naboo don't even trust me in the shop by myself. I bet they ain't ever gonna give me a license, not even if you tried to teach me for five years." Vince looked down at the little Bowie cartoon. "What a surprise."


	2. Chapter 2

Howard stood up and took the empty mug from Vince's hands, setting it on the table. "Vince, you can't really believe all that... can you?"

"Why? Why shouldn't I believe it? That's all people ever say about me why wouldn't it be true?"

Howard lifted up Vince's chin so that their eyes met. "It might be all you've heard, Vince. But it's definitely not all that people say."

Vince yanked his head away and sat back down on the couch. "Howard please don't lie to me about this to make me feel better, alright? I'll only just look like a bigger idiot that I already am for believing you."

Howard felt hurt at this and a small pang of anger hit him in the stomach. "Vince, you'll only be an idiot if you don't believe me. I mean, we're best mates, right? Best friends?"

"... yeah."

"Right, so you've got to believe me when I tell you that all those other people are wrong. They're absolutely wrong. You're not slow or thick or any of those other things, Vince. You might not think about things the same way that other people do, but that's what makes you _you_! If I, or anyone else for that matter, was able to see the world through the eyes of Vince Noir I'm sure we'd be able to see a much happier and magical place."

Vince was looking down at his hands in his lap, and his hair was covering most of his face but Howard was sure he could see a small smile beginning to appear.

"Y'know," Vince began, "When I used to watch American movies and TV and stuff when I was little, I thought the image had been flipped cos they were on the other side of the world or something, so it came to us backwards, and that's why they was driving on the wrong side of the car and roads. I dunno. It made sense to me then."

"I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to, Vince, okay? But I do want you to understand that what people say or think about you isn't necessarily true."

"Alright, Howard."

The two men shared a hug, mugs were brought back into the kitchen, and a lot of crumpled tissues were put into the trash. Hours later, the two were sat back upon the couch watching a satirical news program Howard had picked out after quite a bit of protest on Vince's part – "_Colobus the Crab_ is on in ten minutes, Howard! No, it ain't a new one, but does that really matter?"

Vince yawned and stretched in an exaggerated manner, attempting (and failing) to attract Howard's attention. After a minute or two he stood up.

"I think I'm gonna head of to bed, Howard."

"Hmm?" Howard glanced up quickly then back to the TV. "Er, ok. 'Night."

"Are we uh... doin' anything tomorrow?"

"No... I don't think so."

"Maybe you could um... show me a few things about driving, then? If you... If you really think I could do it, I mean."

Howard muted the television and turned to fully face Vince.

"Vince, I have the utmost confidence in you. And of course, with my competent instructing skills you'll be one of the best drivers on the roads today. I can see the headlines now, yes sir – Driving Ace Vince Noir: The best in town, the best around! You're gonna do great."


End file.
